Dealing with Anxiety and Depression

I have racked my brain many a time, trying to come up with an effective way to deal with the way I feel. It seems that opening the seal to all I have bottled up inside of me and helping others deal with similar emotions may just be what I have to do. It is really hard for me to be so open on a blog and to finally speak up, yet my fingers can't seem to stop typing. I'm not one to usually make myself vulnerable and this is really out of my comfort zone but I feel like there is a real lack of other places for me to do so.

It's so hard to have it all together all the time. And I definitely don't.
I would say that I am without a doubt very emotional. There are times when I cannot for the life of me find the positives, there are times when I cry myself to sleep and there are times when I simply do not feel a thing. If i'm honest I couldn't tell you why I am so sad. It is not that I've had a tragic life or experience, it is just because. All the little things add up and become so overwhelming that is is tricky to distinguish between what is real and what is an allusion i have made up in my head.

I came across a quote that seemed as if it developed deep inside my soul and found itself in the words of another - "I am not depressed. I can still smile at pretty things. And laugh when jokes are funny. I can still talk to people. And enjoy nice days. But when I go inside, when I am alone, I fall into a sadness so sweet, that it engulfs me. "

It is really hard not knowing how to deal with my emotions. Sometimes I am just bored and cannot find the energy to spend time on things I used to have interest in or thing that I know will relieve me of my pain. I have lost all sense of ambition and drive. I'm constantly searching for something to fill the hole and comfort my loneliness. It is a really bad mindset to have and it is something I need to learn to overcome.

I have experienced quite a bit of anxiety, which is something that I have never seriously spoken to anyone about because I thought that it made me weak. The smallest things trigger it -Waiting and being late even when I have no where to be, Trying to study information or school work that I cant seem to grasp, Over thinking, and even Being told what to do when I was already going to do it. There are of course, many more situations that trigger it but these seem to be most apparent in my life, at the moment, 
Some days are worse than others. There are days when it is worse than I have ever experienced and days when it does not occur at all. 

I think for all you readers that feel similar to me - who feel alone, scared and lost - know that it can't get better until you start to accept they way things are and the life that you were given. It is very important that you understand that you can't rely on other people to make you happy because you will only be setting yourself up for disappointment. People can't love you or help you if you are not willing to do the same for yourself. Learn to appreciate the little things in life, things that others maybe don't notice. You have so much emotion and the ability to feel so strongly, you just need to do so about the right things. Those things are the things that make you smile, that light a fire inside of you and that make you cry happy tears. It isn't easy for us and is a battle you and I have to fight every day.

It is okay to feel broken and lifeless sometimes just don't let it consume you. You are not weak just because your heart feels heavy. You are strong because you have the courage to cry. 

Id like to end of by saying - you are never alone, you can always find a friend in me. Leave comments below, not because I want feedback but because I want this to be a safe space for you. A space where you can help and love each other. A space where you can finally let your heart free.

Zoe Leigh

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